Update

I have written many posts in my mind

but the last two months

I just did not have the energy to write them.

The first post I would have written was

radiation sucks, at least for me.

Although I was aware of the side effects

I never expected to be in so much pain.

For two weeks my burned open skin

was very painful.

I always read that radiation is not as bad as chemo

so it took me by surprise.

The second post would have been called

grateful.

Grateful to be without pain,

to make a cup of coffee,

do the laundry,

take my kids to school,

just to be able to get into my daily routine again.

I was even looking forward to do some ironing,

I hate ironing!

I still have not done it though

there is still a pile waiting for me, ha ha.

The third post would have been called

fear.

During the radiation I started coughing

and four weeks after radiation

I was still coughing and it got worse.

So a visit to the doctor was in order.

I got some medication to stop the coughing

and a X-thorax, just to be sure.

And although you know it`s just routine

the fear starts messing with your mind.

When the results are late,

fear takes over.

And then there was the phone call

where the assistant says, the doctor wants to see you personally.

Then you know something is wrong

and there is nothing else but fear.

When you hear they don`t suspect any metastasis 

hope returns.

After a ct-scan it turns out I have a radiation pneumonitis.

Since a couple of days the coughing finally is getting less.

there will be some more tests

to see if it is getting better or if I need prednison.

We will see.

I hope to be back this week 

with a post about a felt workshop

which was a lot a fun.