Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Some crochet projects

A finished project.
I have seen many versions on the internet.
I love the simplicity of the pattern and made my own.

I use it as a craft bag,
handy dandy to take with me
or to tuck it away for the night at home.

You can find the pattern here.

Another finished project.
Both a gift for a baby girl and a sweet birthday girl.

You  can find the English pattern here and the Dutch here.

And the new project, it is going to be a blanket.
I know I have some squares from the granny square challenge waiting for me.
Funny how this procrastinating kicks in when you are almost finished.
Stay with me I will get there.
I used this tutorial.

to the new followers 
I really appreciate you stopping by.
And thank you for the sweet encouraging comments on my last post,
I`m sorry I don`t always answer 
or when I`m very late with answering.
I read every comment and enjoy them very much. 

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Chemo 4, 5 and 6

Gosh, it has been such a long time ago.
I have been planning for weeks now
to write a post
but I`m lacking in the energy department.
I kept thinking, tomorrow
I will write a new post.
Well alas, 
there is no law telling me I have to write a post
and I know you all understand.

Chemo 4 was a bad one,
I had to go to hospital.
My white blood cells were so low
I got an infection with a high fever.
Six days in hospital for antibiotics.
But it already seems like a long time ago,
chemo 5 and 6 passed by
and I`m so glad the chemo`s are done.

And although I have the feeling the worst part is over,
I`m not ready yet.
Radiation starts Oct. 10th
5 days a week for 5 weeks
and a prescription for hormonal therapy
is in my bag.
Hormonal therapy means one pill a day for 5 years,
with probably the symptoms of menopause.
As I said I`m not ready yet.

The pictures show the content of a lovely package I received
from Kathy, one of the dearies from the dottie angel camp.
I`m going to enjoy making something granny chic with the doilies,
yarn and handkerchiefs. 

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Granny square challenge week 28

I don`t know how about you
but I just want to finish my blanket.
Since I`m not able to concentrate on new patterns
(due to the lousy chemo)
I have decided to finish with the basic pattern
from week 1.
As you can see in one color with a white border
(less threads to work away ;-)).
I hope you forgive me for not giving you new patterns.
I now have 130 squares
enough for a blanket.
So next post will be about joining them together.
I am not sure when I will be able to write this post
because tomorrow I have my fifth chemo.
And I am not sure when I will feel up to it.
Last chemo I ended up in hospital with fever, 
I hope this chemo I will feel better.
I hope some of you are still joining me in this granny square challenge
and if you are behind you now have some time to catch up.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Chemo 3

The side effects from the chemo were a bit less.
Is there something like getting used to the chemo?
Although I was less sick
it takes me longer to recover
and my energy level is lower.
I just have to accept I can`t do everything I want
and make choices.
I`m lucky I can make choices.
There is no employer wanting me to come to work,
a husband who takes care of the kids,
and a community that`s backing me up when needed.
Cancer and chemo suck
but I`m also blessed in many ways.

Pictures are taken during my almost daily walk.

De bijwerkingen van de chemo waren wat minder.
Is er zoiets als gewend raken aan de chemo?
Maar goed ook al was ik minder ziek
het duurt wat langer voor ik me weer 
een beetje normaal voel.
En mijn energie niveau wordt langzaam minder.
Ik zal moeten accepteren dat ik op het moment niet alles kan
doen wat ik wil en keuzes maken.
Maar gelukkig kan ik keuzes maken.
Ik heb geen werkgever die me op mijn werk wil zien verschijnen,
een man die voor de meiden zorgt
en een dorp die helpt als dat nodig is.
Ook al is kanker en de chemo behoorlijk klote
Ik voel me op heel veel gebieden gezegend.

Foto`s zijn genomen tijdens mijn bijna dagelijkse wandeling.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Granny square challenge wk 27

This week we are making a pattern from Bella Dia,
Off course we are making a square and not a blanket
but it is a quite pattern for a blanket
especially a baby blanket.

I made 20 ch, add 2 ch for turning (total of 22 ch)

I crocheted over the yarns ends,
look here for instructions.

And I made a border with sc in every stitch,
for the corners 1 ch.

Good luck and have fun.

I`m having my third chemo on Thursday
so it will be quiet on the blog
until I recover again.

Thursday, June 27, 2013


Yesterday we had a party for my daughter Zoe.
A survival party.
First a laser game.
As you can see they had great fun
but they were also very serious about winning.

After something to drink and a snack
there were some ropes that needed attention.
And for most some wet feet to gain.

We went to team Biesbosch

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Chemo 2 and some tips.

I`m so relieved to tell you 
that the side effects from the second chemo
are a lot less then the first time.
The new medication made me very sleepy 
so the first days I mainly slept.
Which is way better then
staring outside and feeling to miserable to sleep.

Although I`m very relieved
I still find it hard to have all this poison in my body,
but it is the best option I have right now.

After the second chemo I found 
there are a few things that made it easier for me.
So a few tips for the ones that read this and have to go through chemo soon.
Of course these are a few things that work for me
everybody is different and you have to find what works for you.

1. Every doctor and nurse will tell you,
take care you drink enough liquid.
About 2 ltr. (about 8 big glasses.)
It helps your body to get rid of the toxins in your body.

2. Before I get out of bed I eat some crackers.
This helps to prevent nausea
or prevents it from getting worse.

3. I eat more small meals.
the same effect as 2.

4. I try to continue with my exercises.
* these for my lymphatic system
( because of my mastectomy )
* a few yoga exercises
* 10 to 15 min. on the cross trainer
Don`t make it to strenuous.
I`m not able to do this every day
sometimes I`m to tired or sick.
But when I`m able to do it
I feel better and healthier.

5. Between my exercises (after the yoga exercise)
 I meditate for 10 min.
My mantra: let (inhale) go (exhale)

6. When I`m able I take a walk outside.
Clears the mind and I love the fresh air.
Most days I walk about 30 min.
but some it is just 5.

7. I try not to feel guilty
for the things I`m not able to do
or I think I should do.
Feeling guilty gives you a lousy feeling
and costs a lot of energy.
You need this energy to get better.

8. If you keep feeling very sick,
call your doctor or oncology nurse.
Changing or adding medication can make a big difference.

I hope these tips are useful to some of you.

The pictures are taken at Villa Augustus in Dordrecht.
It is a hotel/restaurant with it`s own vegetable garden.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Granny square challenge wk 26

I`m sorry I totally forgot to post
a granny square for the challenge.
I had planned it for Friday but
was busy packing for a weekend to the beach
and shaving my hair.
No not my legs but my head.
I was constantly loosing hair
so I decided it was time to go bald.
As you can see we had a lovely weekend
and even though there was a strong wind
and the water was freezing cold
the girls went swimming.
But enough chit chat
on to the granny square.

This weeks pattern comes from Spatula Graphics
Just scroll down and you will come across the pattern.

Round 4, I started with making a complete shell 
(so I made 2 ch, 6 dc in the same space).
Round 8 is the last round.
I didn`t understand the FPDC,
I made a dc on every stitch and in the corners:
2 dc, 2 ch, 2 dc.

Good luck and have fun.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Chemo 1

In this picture 
I was unaware what was about to hit me
in just two days.
The first day after the chemo wasn`t that bad
yes there was nausea but do-able.
But the next day I got terribly sick
there was nothing more that I could do
then lay still in my bed
everything else was to much.
Even with new medication I stayed sick
and recovery went very slowly.
Although it seemed I would never get better
I did of course
and I`m enjoying the nice weather at the moment.
When I was sick 
I thought this never again
I`m not going to continue with the chemo.
But of course there is a risk in not continuing
and they assured me there is more medication available
to suppress the side effects of the chemo.
So I decided to give it another go
but I`m scared to death
it will be the same again. 

The beautiful quilt aka lappity lap blanket of hugs
 is made by the dearies from dottie angel camp
I went to last year.
Thank you so much girls
I love love love it so much.

I also picked up my crochet hook again.
Thursday or Friday I will post a new pattern
for the granny square challenge

Op de foto boven aan had ik nog geen idee
wat voor effect de chemo zou hebben.
De eerste dag erna viel het me nog mee,
ja, ik was misselijk maar het was te doen.
Helaas bleef het niet zo
en ben ik erg ziek geworden.
Het enige wat ik kon was op mijn bed liggen
en naar buiten staren
al het andere was teveel.
Zelfs met nieuwe medicatie bleef ik erg ziek
en leek het alsof ik nooit beter zou worden.
Gelukkig voel ik me inmiddels beter
en geniet ik van het lekkere weer.
Maar toen ik zo ziek was
dacht ik dit nooit meer
ik stop met de chemo.
Maar ja daar zit natuurlijk een risico aan vast.
Met chemo stijgt de 10 jaars overlevings kans
met behoorlijk wat procenten.
Nu ik me weer beter voel kijk ik er toch weer anders naar
en met de verzekering van andere medicijnen
om de bijwerkingen beter te onderdrukken
waag ik me er weer aan.
Al ben ik wel heel erg bang voor de volgende kuur.

De quilt, ook wel lappity lap blanket of hugs genoemd,
 is gemaakt door de dearies van het dottie angel camp
waar ik vorig jaar ben geweest.
Dank jullie wel meiden
ik vind het een geweldige quilt.

Ik heb ook mijn haaknaald weer opgepakt.
Donderdag of vrijdag volgt er een nieuw patroon
voor de granny square challenge.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Wig fitting

The chemo was postponed due to a stomach flu
I`m just feeling a bit better
but now I have my first chemo tomorrow
and a bit worried if my response will be worse because
of the flu.
We will see.

Last Tuesday I had an appointment for some wig fitting.
I had some doubts if a wig would be something for me to wear
but eh why not try it if you have the chance.
The first picture is with my original hairdo
and the rest with wigs.
In the middle one I look just like my sister
I can tell you it is very weird when you look in the mirror
and you see your sister.
In the end I decided to take a hairpiece and a hat.
The hairpiece has just hair around a elastic band
which gives only hair at the sides and front and back.
So you need a hat, obviously.
It felt the most like me and I was afraid I wouldn`t wear the wig.
It was already itchy and warm for just a few minutes on my head.
I always wondered how I would look with a bald head.
I started wondering during the time Sinead O`Connor was famous
but never had the nerve to shave my hair.
So who knows maybe it looks good on me 
and I`m not going to wear anything at all!

Afgelopen woensdag ben ik pruiken wezen passen.
Ik ben heel prettig geholpen bij Petra van de Laar haarwerkstudio.
Ik wist niet of ik wel een pruik wilde maar
als je de kans krijgt kan je het altijd proberen nietwaar.
De eerste foto is met mijn orginele haar en de rest met pruiken.
In de middelste foto lijk ik erg veel op mijn zus.
Ik kan je zeggen het is heel raar als je in de spiegel kijkt en je zus ziet.
Uiteindelijk heb ik besloten een haarstukje met mutsje te nemen.
Bij het haarstukje zit het haar rondom elastiek 
en niet bovenop dus het mutsje is nodig.
Het zag er het meeste als mij uit 
en ik was bang dat ik de pruik niet zou dragen.
Het jeukte al tijdens het passen en werd ook al warm.
Ik ben altijd benieuwd geweest hoe een kaal hoofd me zou staan.
Ik ging me dit afvragen toen Sinead O`Connor bekend was 
maar nooit het lef gehad het af te scheren.
Dus wie weet staat het me wel en ga ik met een kaal hoofd de straat op!

Monday, May 13, 2013

Some pampering and Miss sadness

This weekend the Mr. and I stayed in Karel V
a 5 star hotel with a 1 star restaurant.
We thought some pampering before chemo
was a good idea.
And it was 
we strolled through Utrecht and even did some thrifting.
Unfortunately nothing that yelled take me home
so no thrifty finds in my suitcase to take home.
I decided not to stick to my Crazy Sexy diet
or my vegan and enjoyed every bite I took.
Especially in the restaurant from Karel V
which is heaven for your taste buds.

But it was also a step into the real world again
after bathing in love and kindness for the last weeks
it is weird to be somewhere where nobody knows.
You think it would make you feel normal again
and forget.
Not in my case, it confronted me more
with missing a breast (I keep forgetting to check if my prosthesis is still in place
and then fret if anyone is noticing it`s out of place, 
which is not the case of course but when you look down to your own breasts it`s hard to see), 
nerve pain, tired, fear of chemo
and feeling very vulnerable.
Even though it was such a relief
to receive good news
sadness finally knocked at my door.
It`s probably best to give it a place on my couch
and a nice cup of tea
because I can`t always be the strong optimistic woman
I was so far.
But she sits right next to Miss sadness
to keep each other in balance
while chatting over tea. 

Dit weekend ben ik lekker op stap geweest met the Mr.
naar hotel Karel V, een vijf sterren hotel met een 1 ster restaurant.
Een beetje verwennen vooordat de chemo begint 
leek ons wel op z`n plaats.
We hebben heerlijk door Utrecht geslenterd
en zelfs de kringloopwinkel ingedoken.
Helaas riep er niets neem me mee naar huis
dus geen kringloop vondsten in mijn koffer dit keer.
Ik had ook besloten mijn Crazy Sexy Diet
en mijn veganistische niet te volgen.
Ik heb heerlijk genoten van dingen die ik anders laat staan,
capuccino, oreopeanutbutter taart,
vlees, kreeft en nog meer.
Mn. het menu in Karel V was hemels voor mijn smaakpapillen.

Maar het was ook een stap in de echte wereld
na een aantal weken te hebben gebaad in liefde en aandacht.
Het is raar om in een omgeving te zijn waar niemand het weet.
Je zou denken dat het je even alles doet vergeten
maar dat deed het niet in mijn geval.
Het confronteerde me met het gemis van 1 borst.
( Ik vergeet regelmatig te controleren of mijn prothese nog op zijn plek zit
waarna ik me dan weer zorgen maak of het iemand opvalt
meestal zit er niks scheef maar dat kan je niet goed zien als je er zelf van bovenaf op kijkt) 
zenuwpijn, moe, bang voor de chemo
en ik voel me heel kwetsbaar.
Ook al was het een hele opluchting dat we afgelopen woensdag goed nieuws kregen
klopte het verdriet eindelijk aan mijn deur.
Ik heb besloten haar maar een plekje op de bank te geven met een kopje thee
want ik kan niet altijd de sterke optimistische vrouw zijn
die ik tot nu toe was.
Maar zij zit naast Mej verdriet op de bank 
om elkaar in balans te houden
en te kletsen met een kopje thee.

Friday, May 10, 2013

How to make natural liquid (laundry) soap

First the good news,
no abnormalities were found in my liver, lungs or bones.
What a relief
getting better and cured is a possibility again.

No granny square today.
I just don`t seem to get more squares done.
No time, tired, my arm hurts, bleh.
Hopefully next week.
Although I have my first chemo next Thursday,
we`ll see.

Now on the subject
how to make your own natural liquid (laundry) soap.
With soda you can use it to do your laundry and
as an all-purpose cleaner.
Without soda as hand soap
and we are also using it as shower gel.
It is not ideal as a shower gel  because it doesn`t foam much 
but if you don`t mind that
this is a good, cheap and natural option.

I use Savon de Marseille
which is a natural gentle soap.

Savon de Marseille is traditionally green or white.  The white soap is made with palm oil, the green with at least 50% olive oil.  Both varieties are exquisite, ultra-moisturizing skin care. Marseille Soap is recommended by dermatologists throughout the world for dry skin and other ailments.  Its incredible purity and moisturizing properties make it ideal for sensitive skins.  In France it has been trusted for generations to cleanse everything from linens to little faces.

In the Netherlands you can buy it here and the US here.
I use the scented bars for the liquid soap
and the grains for the laundry soap.

You need:
80 grams (2.80 ounces) grated
5 liter boiled water (still hot)
100 gram (3.50 ounces) baking soda (for the laundry soap)

On the stove, dissolve the grated soap in 1 ltr. boiling water.
Add the soda (optional).
Add the remaining 4 ltr. hot boiled water.
Let it cool for 24 hours.
Store it in a container with a lid
and/or clean old laundry soap bottles.
With this laundry soap you have to use a laundry ball 
which you put  between the clothes.
I use 60 ml per load.

Easy peasy and cheap!

Kijk voor meer zelfgemaakte schoonmaakmiddelen hier.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Paper boats and life and death

Last Wednesday the surgeon didn`t have the good news we were hoping for.
From the 16 lymph nodes 9 were malign this means chemotherapy,
hormone therapy and radiation.
Luckily (yes there is some luck involved :-)) the top node was clean,
this means less chance for metastases.
Becuae it is not impossible I have some more tests to see if there are any metastases.
We are hoping of course everything is clean because my prognoses is then still positive.

So last Friday I had a bone scan and tomorrow 
they will take a look at my liver and lungs
and again on a Wednesday, result day.
It scares the hell out of us and feels like I will go towards life or death.
I won`t die immediately when there are metastases
but death is a lot closer then I want it to be.
When they don`t find any metastases my life expectancy
is a whole lot better.
Uncertainty rules at the moment
and although we remain positive
certain thoughts creep up from time to time.
They all come down to one thing
how will the girls and the Mr. cope without me.
I hope these thoughts will remain scary thoughts
and the doctor finally has some good news on Wednesday.

The pictures are made yesterday and tell a whole different story.
The girls let some paper boats drift on the flow of the water.

Helaas had de chirurg niet het goede nieuws waar we op hoopten
(weinig aangedane plekken in de lymfeklier),
van de 16 lymfeknopen waren er 9 kwaadaardig.
Dat betekent het volledige behandelprogramma, chemotherapie,
hormoontherapie en bestraling.
Het goede nieuws (toch nog wat goed nieuws gelukkig) was de topklier,
die helemaal bovenaan zit bij de grote bloedvaten, schoon was.
Dit maakt de kans op uitzaaiingen kleiner maar niet onmogelijk,
daarom had ik vrijdag een botscan en volgen er morgen een echo van de lever
en een foto van de longen.
As. woensdag krijg ik daarvan de uitslag.

Het is allemaal behoorlijk beangstigend en voelt alsof er twee wegen zijn,
eentje richting leven en eentje richting dood.
Natuurlijk ben ik niet gelijk door
d als er uitzaaiingen zijn
maar het is een stuk dichterbij dan ik zou willen.
Wanneer er geen uitzaaiingen zijn ziet het er al gelijk anders uit
en zijn de prognoses nog positief.
Onzekerheid heeft de overhand op het moment
en ook al blijven we positief
er zijn toch regelmatig bepaalde gedachtes die naar boven komen
die eigenlijk op 1 ding neerkomen.
Hoe gaan de meiden en Dennis het redden zonder mij.
Ik hoop dat deze gedachten enge gedachten blijven
en dat de dokter woensdag eindelijk eens met goed nieuws komt.

De foto`s vertellen een heel ander verhaal
gister hebbben de meiden op de stroom van de sloot
papieren bootjes (gevouwen door opa) laten varen.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Granny square challenge wk 25

Yeah, I was able to make 1 square.
Again a square from Sandra from Cherry Heart
she makes lovely patterns.
I`m planning to make a whole blanket
with this pattern.
Although it will probably take some time before I can start,
but never stop dreaming and planning :-).

This pattern is called clamshell,
it takes a little practice but once you get it it is easy.
I started with 26 chains the amount she made for her tutorial
and ended with a round of dc (sc) in every stitch
in the corners 1 ch.

Good luck and have fun.

I`m not sure if I will be able to post a pattern each week
we will go a bit slower probably
so we can finish this blanket together.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Granny Square Challenge wk 24

Yes! Done!
A little while ago I found lovely squares to make for Michelle's Challenge... and it was a big granny challenge to me! First I made the peachy potholder and gave it to Michelle on the day of her surgery , thinking it will be easy peasy to make the granny too. I almost loved the potholder so much I didn't want to make a granny and because at first I only had a pdf with the potholder tutorial it wasn't easy peasy too. Happily I found almost the same tutorial with a granny, yeah! But I wanted a different square than in the tutorial... so for the last week I made it over and over and over, mixed a little bit till I thought this will be a lovely square to be.
You can follow this pdf found on Ravelry or what I did instead like my photo:

Round 2:
Puffstiches instead of popcornstich (explained in the pdf too)
Round 5:
Attach new nice color, slip stitch in next space and make a puff stitch in the same space, chain 1, puff stitch in next space and chain 1 in every space from round 4 till the bottom of the heart, you make a extra puff stitch (and chain 1) on top corner stitch round 4, continue to the top and finish with a slip stitch in first puff stitch
Round 6:
Attach new nice color, slipstitch in next space from round 5 and make a dc(sc) in the same space, chain 3, in each space all around, close with slip stich.
Round 7: working pro space
3 htr(hdc) in first space
3 dc(sc) in next
2 htr(hdc) + 1 tr(dc)
2 dtr(tr) + chain 3 + 2 dtr(tr) this is a corner
3 tr(dc)
1 tr(dc) + 2 htr(hdc)
3 dc(sc)
3 dc(sc)
2 htr(hdc) + 1 tr(dc)
3 tr(dc)
2 dtr(tr) + 1 triple tr (3 times yarn over)
2 triple tr + chain 3 + 2 triple tr  = corner
1 triple tr + 2 dtr(tr)
2 tr(dc) + 1 htr(hdc)
3 dc(sc)

3 slipstiches on the bottom from the heart, crochet in the opposite order to the beginning, starting with 3 dc(sc) etc. etc.
Yeah! we're on the top again and 1 space is left open, fill it with 3 tr(dc) and slipstich in first of this round.
Round 8:
Almost done! attach new color and go round with all dc(sc) in every stitch from round 7 and in the corner spaces make 2 dc(sc), slip stitch on the end in the first....
Work all the treads and I hope you love your work!

Forgive my English is not that good, I usually write in Dutch but I love to do this!
I'm gonna make another potholder and maybe a little bag/purse, also from Ravelry by Carola Wijma
Join a charity project with making granny hearts, you can all read about on this link and download the tutorial for the potholder/bag/granny heart. 

Have fun!

xxx Monique

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Healing well

As you can see
Monique has made a lovely heart cushion for me.
Totally up to granny chic standards.
I`m using it regurlarly because it helps to releive the pain.
I`m doing well
already up and about (at a slow pace)
and not to much pain.
I can`t type to much yet
so a short post today.
Hope to see you soon.

Zoals jullie kunnen zien heeft
Monique een mooi hartkussen voor me gemaakt. 
Het voldoet helemaal aan de granny chic standaard.
Ik gebruik het ook regelmatig want het helpt goed tegen de pijn.
Het gaat goed met me
al een beetje aan het rommelen 
al is het wel in een langzaam tempo
maar ja dat kan ook niet anders.
Ik kan nog niet teveel typen
dus een korte post vandaag.
Hoop jullie gauw weer te spreken.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

See you soon

My operation will be Thursday,
the spot in my lymph nodes was malign
so my lymph nodes and right breast will be removed.
Although I expected this
the fact that it really happens is difficult.
It is hard to imagine that a part of my body will be missing
when I wake up after the operation.
I know that my breasts don`t define who I am
or how much of a woman I am
but they are a part of my self image.
I`m sure I will adapt my self image in a positive way
but it will take some crying and probably laughing
to get there.
It means I will leave you for a while.
My close friend Monique from Mies&Moos
will post some granny square`s in the coming weeks.
Starting next week and probably not every week.
If you are behind it gives you some time to catch up.
Thank you Monique for continuing the challenge.
As soon as I`m able I will post again.

As. donderdag word ik geopereerd,
het plekje in mijn lymfeklier was ook kwaadaardig 
en daarom wordt mijn re-borst en lymfeklier verwijderd.
Ik had het enigzins verwacht
maar het feit dat het ook echt gaat gebeuren valt me zwaar.
Het is moeilijk te bevatten dat er een deel
van me mist als ik weer wakker wordt na de operatie.
Ik weet dat mijn borsten niet bepalen wie ik ben
of mijn vrouwelijkheid
maar ze zijn een deel van mijn zelfbeeld.
Ik weet dat ik mijn zelfbeeld aan zal passen op een positieve manier
maar er zullen zeker tranen en waarschijnlijk ook lachen
voor nodig zijn om dat te bereiken.
Het betekent dat ik jullie voor even ga verlaten
mijn goede vriendin van Mies&Moos
gaat de granny square challenge voor een aantal weken voortzetten.
Volgende week zal ze haar eerste square plaatsen
en misschien ook niet elke week.
Handig voor degene die achter lopen kunnen jullie inlopen.
Dank je wel Monique dat je het stokje even overneemt.
Zodra ik er weer toe in staat ben zal ik weer posten op het blog.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Granny square challenge week 23

This week we have the pattern
Sandra has made a very good description
with pictures so no notes.
Add 4 extra rounds after round 5
I made the extra rounds as in our first pattern (week 1).

picture Cherry Heart

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

A messy table

As you can see we had a lovely, messy Easter breakfast.
Although I like beautiful styled pictures
it is sometimes refreshing realizing
most houses aren`t styled 
and are a bit (or a lot) messy.

After one and half week where the news of breast cancer has taken over our lives
there is room again for other thoughts.
In the beginning my mind was constantly busy with surgery, tests,
are there metastases, will I see my girls become women,
and everything else I could possible think of.
When I woke up my mind would start to race through all these thoughts.
But I kept noticing the sunshine, birds singing,
the laugh of my girls, the Mr. smiling at me.
And the feeling of richness and gratitude began to take over.
I know it sounds a bit crazy but the last couple of days I was very happy.
There is so much in my life I`m grateful for,
the girls,the Mr., my family, friends,
a nice home, no money problems.

When I had my MRI scan, a delight by the way.
Your laying in a tunnel for half an hour with a headphone with the radio on, 
which you can hardly hear because of the loud noise.
On top of it all I had to lay on my belly
with my breasts in 2 holes.
Obvious not a delight in case you didn`t get that already.
I closed my eyes and tried to find some piece of mind,
I succeeded and the thought" I will reach the age of eighty" crossed my mind.
That thought is my anchor.
I know it`s no guaranty and realize things can change in a second
and I`m planning enjoying every day,
well almost every day because lousy days are a part of life too.
Before you think she is going nuts, no worries
this morning started a bit gloomy
realizing hospitable visits are there again.
Wednesday to the plastic surgeon and Friday d day
tests results and the doctors have made a plan for my treatment.
I`ll keep you posted. 

I will be writing the posts which are dealing with breast cancer in Dutch too.

Zoals jullie kunnen zien hadden we een heerlijk rommelig paasontbijt.
Ik vind prachtig gestylde tafels mooi om te zien
maar het is goed om je te realiseren dat je huis er in het dagelijks leven 
er niet gestyled uitziet
maar juist een beetje (of erg ) rommelig.

De laatste anderhalve week had borstkanker mijn leven overgenomen.
Iedere gedachte had er mee te maken,
welke operatie, onderzoeken, zijn er uitzaaiingen,
zie ik mijn dochters vrouwen worden
en alles wat er maar mee te maken heeft.
Vanaf het moment dat ik wakker werd raasden al die gedachten door mijn hoofd.
Toch zag ik nog steeds de zonneschijn, hoorde ik de vogels fluiten,
voelde de kou :-) helaas, zag de lach van mijn dochters en de glimlach van mijn man.
En het gevoel van rijkdom en dankbaarheid begon het over te nemen.
Ik weet het klinkt gek maar de laatste dagen ben ik heel gelukkig geweest.
Daar maakte ik mij dan wel weer een beetje zorgen om want dat leek me toch niet helemaal normaal.
Maar ja beter dat dan diep ongelukkig, dat komt vast ook nog wel.
Maar ik heb heel veel om dankbaar voor te zijn,
prachtige dochters, een lieve man, fijne familie, vrienden,
een fijn huis en geen geldzorgen.
Toen ik mijn MRI scan had, goed te doen maar wel wat nadelen.
Ik lag voor een half uur op mijn buik met een koptelefoon op met muziek
die je amper hoort door al het lawaai
en mijn borsten in twee gaten.
Wie verzint dat soort apparaten toch!
Ik heb mijn ogen maar dicht gedaan en geprobeerd miijn hoofd rustig te maken.
En dat lukte en de gedachte, ik ga 80 worden, kwam bij me op.
Aan die gedachte hou ik mij vast.
Ik weet dat het geen garantie is en dat je leven iedere seconde kan veranderen
maar ik ga iedere dag van mijn leven genieten.
Nou ja de meeste dagen dan want bereoerde dagen horen er nou eenmaal ook bij.
En voordat je denkt die wordt een beetje gek,
vandaag starte niet zo gelukzalig met het besef dat de week weer begint
en daarbij horen weer een paar ziekenhuis bezoeken.
Woensdag de plastisch chirurg en vrijdag d day,
uitslagen en de dokters hebben dan een plan voor mijn behandeling.
Ik hou jullie op de hoogte.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Granny square challenge week 22

First thank you all for your warm and supportive 
comments, mails etc.
It means a lot to me and helps accepting my situation.
Normal life also continues
our girls still go to school, have their play dates etc.
And that`s fine, I don`t want to let cancer take over my life completely.
So on this blog normal life also continues
and that means granny square challenge.

This week we have a pattern made by Melanie Stiles
called Springtime Square.
Here in the Netherlands spring seems far away
it is still very cold
maybe this pattern helps to get in the springtime spirit.

I had problems with the clusters,
I have tried them several times without success.
So I decided to make the clusters/bobbles
like we did in week 6 with granny bobble spiral.

Good luck, have fun and enjoy Easter.

Springtime Square 
Designed by Melanie Stiles
Copyright March. 1, 2002

Materials: Small amounts of worsted weight yarn in Color A (pink), color B (green), and Color C (white), Size G crochet hook.

Finished size - 7 inches

Beg. Cluster:; Ch 2, (yo and draw up a loop, yo and draw through 2 loops on hook) twice, yo and draw through all loops on hook.
Cluster: Insert hook into stitch indicated, (yo and draw up a loop, yo and draw through 2 loops on hook/ three times, yo and draw through all loops on hook.

Rnd 1:; With Color A, Ch 4, work 11 dc in fourth ch from hook.  Join in third ch of beg ch 4. - 12 dc.
Rnd 2:; Ch 3, dc in same st, 2 dc in next dc and in each remaining dc around., join in top of beg ch 3 - 24 dc.
Rnd 3:Ch 1, sc in same st as joining, ch 5, * sk 2 dc, sc in next dc, ch 5; rep from * around, join in beg. Sc. - 8 ch-5 sps.
Rnd 4Sl st into first ch-5 sp, ch 1, * in each ch-5 sp work,  (sc, hdc, 5 dc, hdc, sc) join with sl st in beg ch-1.  Finish off color A.
Rnd 5: Join Color B with sl st in 3rd dc of any petal, work (beg cluster, ch 3 cluster) in same sp, ch 3, trc ub so between petals, ch 3, * in 3rd dc of next petal work (cluster, ch 3, cluster) ch 3, trc in sp between petals, ch 3; rep from * around , join in top of beg. Cluster. Finish off Color B.
Rnd 6: Join Color C with sl st in any ch-3 sp betweeen clusters of Rnd 5.,  Ch 4, in same sp work (2 trc, ch 2, 3 trc),work 3 dc in next ch-3 sp, work 3 hdc in next ch-3 sp, work 3 sc in next ch-3 sp, work 3 hdc in next ch-3 sp, work 3 dc in next ch-3 sp, * in next ch-3 sp work (3 trc, ch 2, 3 trc), work 3 dc in next ch-3 sp, work 3 hdc in next ch-3 sp, work 3 sc in next ch-3 sp, work 3 hdc in next ch-3 sp, work 3 dc in next ch-3 sp; rep from * twice more, join with sl st in top of beg ch-4.
Rnd 7:Ch 3, * dc in each st across to next ch-2 corner sp, in corner sp work (3 dc, ch 2 3 dc); rep from * 3 times more, dc in each st to beg ch 3, join with sl st in top of beg ch-3..  Finish off and weave in all end

Monday, March 25, 2013

Dreading this post

I have dreaded this post so I`m just going to start.
Last week I heard I have breast cancer.
It went all very fast, 
on Monday I went to the doctor because I felt a lump,
Wednesday I had to go to hospital for tests
and at the end of the day
I listened to a doctor and nurse telling me 
they found malign cells.
It is still very unreal and I feel like I`m playing a part in a movie.
Someone will yell "cut" and life will be back to normal.
But I`m slowly realizing no one will yell cut and this is reality. 
This week I will have some more tests 
and there will be some clarity in what treatment I will have to get.
I know an operation is needed, probably next week.

You probably understand why there wasn`t a new granny square last week.
I`m going to place a new one this week,
but I don`t think I will be able to place a new granny square after this week.
Who would like to have a guest post,
you will have to write about a granny square pattern
we didn`t make so far.
If you would like to participate send me a mail at michelle@wals.nu,
containing the text, link, picture and if you have a blog your blog adress.
I will schedule your post in one of the coming weeks
so please send it this week because I won`t be able to schedule your post after this week.

I`m not sure if I`m able to keep posting regularly
but I will try to at least write an update once in a while 
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